Tuesday, November 18, 2008
PAD 18 - Theme point-of-view poem
I was tired, Mom
all I’d worked for didn’t seem worth
it and my head, always the headaches
and now something else. I find it difficult
to get out of bed but I don’t want you
to worry. I kept it from you for a reason.
I had to make my own decision, my own
way. I’m still doing my job, meeting
with friends, doing what I need to do
but I’m tired Mom.
When I saw Mema in the casket
she seemed so peaceful, at rest, she got to
rest. Death didn’t seem such a terrible thing.
Death seemed like an answer, just go to sleep
forever, don’t worry about computer systems
and company networks, the bosses, the 20 hour
work days , don‘t worry about anything any longer.
I didn’t know where home was anymore. My
apartment in Atlanta, my family and friends
in Tampa, my job site in Illinois. I’m only
twenty-three Mom but I’m tired. I want to
sleep and not have to worry about spreadsheets
and bills and being away from my family
and all my college friends in Gainesville
spread all over the US with their jobs.
I don’t know anyone here in Atlanta, I’m so
lonely, and then I have to fly so much. You
know what a homebody I always was Mom.
I worked from the time I was in grade school
for this opportunity, for this life I have. New
car, grand apartment and job with a top five
company. I’ve achieved all my goals but
it’s not all that. I love you and Dad and Sis
with all my heart but I can’t stay any more.
There doesn’t seem to be an end to these
hours with a job I don’t care for after all
in a town where I don’t know anyone, in a
space I don’t’ want to be. I guess its depression
but it feels like it will last forever and I don’t
want this pain. Remember it’s not about
you, it’s about me and what I choose.
You know I’ve always made good choices
Mom. You said so from the time I was small.
Trust me now and know that I’m doing
what I need to do. Our last weekend
together was great. I knew I wouldn’t
see any of you again and I wanted you
to have that one last memory. I wanted
you to know this isn’t about you. I love