Sunday, February 3, 2013

Punishment


She always does the same thing.

I always expect different results.

My gut aches from the knots her games

bring me when she’s around.  She says she loves me

wants me to be part of her life, suckers me in

with all I’ve ever wanted.

 

She always does the same thing.

But each time I’m hopeful, just like the time before.

Then she slams me with her accusations, critiques,

blames me for everything wrong in her life.   I believe her,

try to make things better.  I give of myself,

my resources, my life. She’s family, I have to try again.

 

She always does the same thing.

She can go on and on for years before she breaks,

has to hurt me as deeply and more than

ever before.  She always succeeds.  I always

think it’s worth it before I find myself

crawling away like a snake, unworthy as a human.

I’m wrecked, humbled before her, pleading,

she kicks me in the gut again.  Spears me in the heart.

Stands back and views her damage with some pride.

She always does the same thing.
 
(Anaphora Poem)

15 comments:

poetry-diary.com said...

I felt your ongoing hope for better comes through most strongly in this poem - in the end you can only control your own responses, and so there is no doubt who's noblest here.

Mary said...

My response is simply........time to walk away. Period. It will only repeat again. If you return again and again, it is you yourself setting yourself up for the pain. Your choice.

Judy Roney said...

I've had a lot of time to think about it, Mary. I know I only have one choice but I still don't like it and will always be working it out in my mind. Sigh. Life is so complicated and then it gets more so. Sometimes walking away is more complicated than anything.

Valleypoet said...

Emotional and heartfelt piece, if this is something that is happening in your life, I hope you can see a way through it...best wishes:-))

Mary said...

Sigh. Not easy.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Wow, how powerful and intense. Well done!

J Cosmo Newbery said...

I like the way the repetition reinforces the message.

Sleepshort Tripod said...

Great word picture. I feel your pain.

Old Ollie said...

Is this about me and my mother? Kinda kidding - kinda not. authentic

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Susan said...

Gotta go and read this poem to someone--it places a perfect emphasis on over and over and over, world without end. Except a new one could begin in a happier place if this someone would simply not be there to break--as complex as that is, as hard as that is, because the next stanza and the next will be the same pattern. Ouch.

Judy Roney said...

Wow! Yep, you are so right, Susan. This poem has so many verses already and the longer I stick with it, the verses will always be the same.

girlwiththepen1118 said...

Eerie and true to the psychologist reality of such circumstances we often relive because of selfishness or their belief system. Marvelous poetry ! Thank you ~ Deborah

soulsmusic said...

This must be a close family member, and that is sad. I wonder just how many of us have such an individual in our lives. I question the title of your poem. The narrator seems to be the one being punished, for what? Existing?Your poem hit home on so many levels, and engendered so many questions. That is not a bad thing,

Elizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/

kulasa said...

Sometimes life is really not that simple and the people we love as complicated...I can relate to this poem...you put into words what I cannot...I love the person I could picture in my own life in between this powerful words...I just pray things will turn out for the best in the end...:)