Turning Toward the Sun

I get mired in the muck-

a lot. It aggregates around

my feet, holding them like

cement to a spot I no longer

care to be. When I can

 

I take a step, each movement

leaden and heavy; I go

to automatic pilot until

comprehension forms

like the mist

 

in the mountains.

When I can look back

see the sludge begin

to fall with each step

forward. Easier to stay

 

mucked in the dark,
there’s a comfort

that lets me rest,

hopeless in mygloom.

I know that place

 

that serenades me

with music of the damned

is not for me, so I close

off from my stinkin

thinker and move –

baby steps until I see

 

a ray of sunshine

that melts away

the crap and gloom,

releases me to a life

I was meant to live,

allowed to live, if only

I make the right choices.

I move.

Sense To Me

If I could change things,
Rid the world of hate
I would.

I’d do what I could.
Give my own life
If it meant the world
Would be a safe place.

I know it doesn’t work that way

I know – I wish it did—wish there was
An answer so near at hand. But giving

My life would be in vane. So is giving up

Little bits of myself to these tragedies. I pray—
that too, may be useless, but I feel better. 
I speak up for injustices around me, speak against
Hate words I hear—that helps, but maybe just me.

I am sure that self-torment of life’s injustices

Don’t help the maligned, hated,  or murdered
Ones. I shed tears,  I vote, I stick up for the rights
Of people everywhere, I love those near me,
And I constantly try to clean out my own house.

That’s all. That’s what I can give and remain sane.

Story

My story keeps changing.

Each year, every decade brings
new meaning to past

situations. I put my story

away at age twelve or forty,
then re-examine the facts

at sixty and find
meanings, nuances
changed, are rearranged,
and put away with new perspective.

The Life I Could Have Had

I could have gone my whole life without finding the person
who would love me above all others, who would nurture my
spirit and want only what is best for me. I could have gone

my whole life not knowing love; every thing was in place,
all life experiences prepared me. I might never have met
the person who made me see love for what it was. Someone

who would make me feel happy if he’s happy, would allow
me to love him wholly and holy and wouldn't back off, would
make me want to grow and be all the things he sees in me.