When He's Gone

When he’s gone there will be a hole

in the universe where he
walked and talked, gave of himself
in ways that won't be realized
until he’s gone.

Thank You Raymond Carver

“And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

from "Late Fragment" by Raymond Carver

I appreciate your question

Raymond Carver.  I thought
I knew the answer.
 

You have the answer

when you find the basic joy
of life and name it.

To feel beloved on this earth

is the one precious thing
in all things I have ignored

In reaching out and searching

ever searching I skipped around
dove over, and ignored the answer.
 

I have been beloved on this earth

and I have loved deeply.  I have
everything I ever wanted.

Full Circle

 

I was raised in the mountains

not softly nurtured and loved.
The escape route was layed
out and dreamed about.
When I was twenty and reached

Flat land, my life began…

the one that begins with him
and us and two babies
and still goes on forty years
later with love and joy and honor.

But the mountains called

sometimes late at night when
I felt safe in the scenery I had,
we got a house on the highest
mountain just for summers,
a get-a-way.  I sit on my perch
 

to infinity there, soak up the beauty,

no longer try to capture the spiritual
I just know it’s there and I wonder
at life and how we go full circle.

That's Right, Go Left

Tell me to go right, not north

Tell me it’s on the left, not south
I’m directionally challenged
Have been all my life
Tell me to go straight, not east.

Say What?

I wndn’t tex, not my thng, I was prodded n poked

until I broke down:

Mom can u bring me bgl w chese wen u com?:0)

Prolly, plan be ther @ 2.

Celebr pops bd on sat? lovin u

Sure, meet u @ C’s @6? <3 strong="strong">

I chk sched tom 2 b sure. 

Ya rah, 6 @ C’s sure. XOXO, wats pop want for bd?

I wn’t take nything 4 the precious conection

with dtr n now my grands, Textng is core!

Just Beneath the Rage

Was fear, cold and brittle.

She said I hate you to warm
Herself from the chill.

Firey words

Flowed like lava,
Destroying love in it’s path.

He left as she expected

She yelled good riddance
as bitter frost enveloped her.

What Scares Me

I have been a writer, a poet,

and an artist for thirteen
years, ever since my son
passed away. 

Those facts have given

me solace, comfort, pride,
and a reason to breathe.

What scares me most

is the loss of writing,
or painting, or having
meaning to my life.

Connection

I was born a moon child

in the month of July
with no appreciation
of the moon or skies.

More recently I’ve

changed, learned
from my friends
to look up, take notice

of the beauty, the phases
of mother moon - whether
waning or waxing;
harvest, gibbous, or blue.
Sweet, eternal
connection.

The Grand Event

Yesterday you placed her in my arms; no that was a year ago.
Mimi, meet your great granddaughter, Kaylee, you said
as if the words meant something through the roar in my ears--
all the dreams realized and not, it all comes to this one miracle placed in my arms.

In my teary blindness I reach out for her, feel her first,

her precious body light as a feather, I know she looks at me.
I want to see my great granddaughter’s eyes, that’s where connection is made.

The tears fade but not the catch in  my throat as I finally see

this perfect little face, ears, rosebud lips, huge blue eyes,
my Kaylee D, mine, my grandchild, my beautiful miracle
I readjust you as I sit and see that I am given the world in my arms.